Gods Healing Grace
A conscious effort has to be made to allow Gods healing grace into our hearts and our minds. He is not just going to go poof you no longer remember those times of hurt and pain. We have to bring them up in our minds discuss it with the Holy Spirit to see all sides of the past hurts ask for forgiveness for it all and let it go. Accept our responsibility and then forgive the offenders and most of all forgive ourselves. Once we can learn to accomplish this task we are on our way to being free from our past and one step closer to a new life of freedom from offense too. This did not happen overnight I went around the mountain for years asking God why every time something went wrong. I had to quote scripture to bring my fear under control. “God will never leave me or forsake me” “Do not fear for I am with you” and psalm 91 this one psalm is memorized it is the only one I can remember always along with the Our Father. When I am afraid I speak this psalm out loud and tell evil to back to its dry and dusty pit as I belong to Jesus and he had no control over me
Offense, pride, entitlement, unfairness, respect and lastly control or lack their of. This is a demonic spirit that can keep the anger boiling and churning in our spirit. Mathew 24:10 and Isaiah 61. We can be in a great mood and one word is said that hits our minds or hearts wrong and it’s off with their heads. We are hurt or offended. I am better these days with this issue and I still work on it daily. I think it stems from my childhood where I was cursed at screamed at when my parents or others in my life were having a bad day. They would take their frustrations out on me and I had to eat it and not say a word to defend myself from the arrow that just pierced my heart as it felt like it was crushing me.
I’ve always been told I wear my heart on my sleeve, I show my hurt immediately, either by lashing back and getting angry. Or just spouting off at the mouth, and then everyone was hurt. Oh what a can of worms we can open up when raging anger comes out. I like to call it sarcasm but there is much to be said for a sarcastic comment. Either way it still stems from being offended.
One thing I have learned by being on this long and sometimes arduous journey is that is always seemed to come back to me. I mean really I’m the one getting hurt here. I would argue with the Lord about how could this be my fault or God forbid my entire fault, because I became offended.
Not many people like to take the blame on themselves. I know I never wanted to admit I was hurt or dare I say all wrong. Heck just a look from someone the wrong way would get my anger fired up.
I grew up with one look from my father told the whole story. He did not have to say anything and I knew my life could be over in an instant. Yes folks, we humans think we are all perfect we never say or do anything to hurt others, when in fact we sometimes start it and blame others like we had no part in it at all.
It wasn’t until I was baptized in 2009 yes at the age of 49 did I start to have a conscious. It was like ripping a scab off my eyes. Oh my gosh I could see everything clearly, I did not want to see that much. It was too much information I was on overload. Because I could see my sin and everyone else’s too. That is when the healing started, I gave it all to God I could not handle my sin let alone others as well. I began the journey of real and sincere repentance. Claiming and letting go so God could release me from the guilt plaguing my mind and soul for many decades.
It is not easy to see that your not the angel you thought you were. How my actions hurt others. I would slough it off to, but they hurt me first. That wasn’t going to work any more in Gods world.
How far was I willing to go to become truly free from my past? How much was I willing to admit to the Lord too. Like he cannot see all we have done to others and what they have done to us as well. He sees it all, every dang bit of it like a picture show; that never ends.
Times that by billions of people and I start to feel bad for God, to see how messed up we all are. I find myself saying I’m sorry for the human race. Some of us have become a vile cesspool of flesh, with atrocities committed on baby’s animals and old people and the weakest among us.
They are void of love kindness compassion and knowing what is right and wrong in today’s world with the evil permeating every facet of our world and minds.
I have to say once we push past it all and truly have a sincere love and relationship with our Father his son Jesus and listen to the Holy Spirit, our lives become easier. We start to see things so much differently. It’s like having a coach in your ear giving you the play by play throughout our lives. I had to learn to let the grace of God heal the areas in my life that were just to painful for me to forgive myself for. God can forgive us from every sin we have ever committed in our lives we just have to ask sincerely. He forgave Paul of Murder, Matthew of stealing and on and on. We have to be so sincere and willing to admit all of our sins to the Lord and he will be graceful to forgive us. God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.